So this is the world? - A guest blog by Crosby Jane Proctor

Check me out, I am legit.

Well here I am.  I have hijacked dad's blog to tell you a little bit about my first couple days in this world.  He was worried that "all the readers are awaiting the top 4 of the top 10 NBA player/cheap domestic beer countdown."  No.  No they are not.  I am afraid he may be a little crazy, more about him later.

I entered this world at 6:04 pm Monday October 21st, 2013.  The whole thing was apparently an ordeal.  Mom was hootin' and hollerin' to all the heavens.  I found out afterward that she could have taken medications to help alleviate some of the pain.  She decided not to.  I know now that she is tough, but I also wonder... is she crazy too?  I also heard her say "never again" about fifty times.  Bye bye siblings.  Oh well, now I will be spoiled.

Mom n' me chillin'

On top of all the pain, everyone was speculating as to whether I am a boy or a girl.  Well, I am a girl.  My understanding from everyone's conversations is that it was like a coin flip that you win if it is either heads or tails.  Whoopty doo.  For some reason, dad felt the need to keep chiming in that "she is going to still wear her sports clothes".  Great, I have that to look forward to.

Hang on.

Ok, I am back.  I just screamed for 10 straight minutes just because.

So, back to the story.  Everyone found out I was a girl.  Mom and Dad were ecstatic and tearing up.  "We did it!" they kept saying.  Then I pooped all over mom, I guess it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.  The nurses cleaned mom and I up and we started "kangaroo care", where mom and I lay skin to skin to make a special, early connection.  I really enjoyed this time and getting to know mom.  (Baptist East you can send royalties directly to my home address, wait, where do I live?)

Probably the last time anyone will want to see a picture of my foot

 Unfortunately, that eventually ended and I was handed to dad.  "Ready for your song? (out of tune, monotone) The first thing I remember knowin' was that lonesome whistle blowin' and a yungins' dream of growing up to ride...".  This can not be.  You mean that jackass who I kept hearing sing this terrible song while I was inside IS MY DAD?!?  He kept saying "she loves it!".  When do I learn to talk?  I cannot wait to dispel that myth.  Eventually, the "song" ended and I warmed up to dad.  He seems like he will be alright with a little training.

This guy...

We eventually worked our way up the other room where we are going to post up for a couple of nights.  Nurse #22 was giving mom and I our 30th and 32nd exams respectively while there were grandmothers and aunts ready to beat the door down just to see me.  Of course dad had  Gram and Aunt Laura (her and mom have the same name by the way, way to plan that out) go and get Jimmy John's for our awesome Doula Nina Berry (louisvilledoula@yahoo.com again, send the royalties anytime) and mom.  Before you ask, of course dad got his favorite Jimmy Johns sandwich AND a bag of chips, all the while masquerading as if he was doing something special.  Maybe I can learn something from him after all.

Eventually visitors went home and I was ready to relax for the night.  But why would I do that when I could not eat the right way and scream?  Mom did a superb job keeping me company, while dad was over on a couch (that he could not figure out how to fold out) sawing logs for 9 or 10 hours.  From what I am seeing so far, I am beginning to wish I had been born a boy, at least for the birth process anyway, what a joke!  I did finally get dad up for a few minutes around 2:30 in the morning with one of my best screaming binges yet, but that was nothing compared to mom's almost sleepless night.  Next time I will poop on dad!

The squad

Speaking of dad, this morning I got the opportunity for a little skin to skin with him.  To show my displeasure for some of his recent antics I pulled out a couple of his chest hairs.  That'll show him right?  No.  Instead he tells mom "how about her grip strength?!?"  Seriously, what is his deal?

Well up until now I have benefited from meeting some fantastic friends and family.  I can not wait to meet the rest of you.  I even got to meet my "middle namesake" Pastor Jane.  She prayed with all of us, we are going to need it.